How have you been?

Looking back at 2015, it was so far the most interesting year in my life. I'm not single anymore. That's what I cannot wait to share. But is being attached to someone better than being single? No. It's worse. If I could go back in time, I would choose to still be single. But that will never be more than a thought because if I could choose, I wouldn't have to keep thinking about what I'm thinking and I really paid too much for it. In fact, I paid all. Do I regret for letting them to happen on me? I do not. I can't. If I do, I might take away my own life. What all of you could do now to help is just secretly support me. 

It's all what I'm thinking right now. I can't stop thinking about it as I literally bet all on it. Is he the right guy? I would really really love to put more time to think about that question. But what scares me the most is that I'm afraid he might just cut it out, without giving me the chance to work it out. Well, who could ever thought of me ending up in a long distance relationship right? Being in love, being in a relationship, being with someone to me is that, you can at least see him in person at least once a week and able to touch him or even just a kiss or a hug. I can't do any of them. The only thing that makes me feel like I'm still taken is a video call that averagely don't even last thirty minutes and only about four times a week. How am I supposed to know if he still loves me? If he's cheating behind me? 

You keep asking me to have trust on you but the first impression that you gave me was you were a playboy with six ex girlfriends while the latest one is closer to you than me right now and able to see you everyday and you admitted that you're still keeping on touch with her while not long ago she just told you that she still has feeling towards you. Are you asking me have faith in you while all of that are happening miles away from me? 

I can't do anything to help myself but to stay positive. I keep telling myself, it's okay to be that way because it's common now but deeply, I ethically do not support that kind of act. I simply did that because I really thought it would last long but I'm slowly losing hope on it. I always think, if that didn't happen, what would I be doing now? No doubt, I would surely break up with him. Simply because I deserve someone that would be by my side.