Never EVER Take Up a Customer Service Job Unless...

Unless you're already well equipped with life necessities and looking to retire soon, this job drains your physical and mental energy.

(As I'm typing this, I'm also waiting for inbound calls. So please, don't waste your time and youth on a customer service job when you can spend it on something else better.)

Quick story on how I landed on this job. I was taking a "gap year" from my previous job, but my bank account couldn't keep up. Blasted some CVs, and took some time to think about the kind of work I would be happy to take up. At last, I thought going back to the hospitality line could fulfill my sense of achievement, not to mention the higher-than-market pay that this company was offering. 

The first few months of training were quite tiring, because I had never serviced through a phone before. But I quickly overcame that and became the top performer for 6 months consecutively. The steep decline happened after a fraud attack. All of us in the team were self-diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Then, some of us began to question ourselves, "What are we even doing here?"

The doubt in ourselves and in our job became clearer when the higher-ups didn't appreciate the help and extra hours we provided during the fraud attack. In my case, not only that they didn't appreciate the OT I've done, I was also penalized for what I didn't commit. My performance was tarnished by ONE bad survey, which was supposed to be sent to the agent who serviced the customer before me. Appeal rejected. Jeez...

That aside, I also started feeling the side effects of working as a night-shifter. Yeap, the high-pay came with graveyard shift. It started bothering me when I was deleting old photos from my phone to clear up some space. I realized I grew much older in a year compared to the last 2 decades. I knew I had to make a decision soon.

Of course, I tried searching for internal roles too, but I pretty much used up my luck when I got this job. This department is no doubt the most relaxing, humane & fun. And because of the good pay & culture this company provides, it's rare to see a leadership role opening. Talk about climbing corporate ladder hmphm... And even if there is, it will be SUPER competitive. I'm talking bout you (a potato) competing with the other dinosaurs who have worked for this company for a few decades. I'm not joking!

So,

Career advancement, OUT.

Rewards & recognition, OUT.

Healthy life, OUT.

The only good thing left in this company, is their good pay.

But trust me, whenever you unlock a new level of pay, there's always someone getting higher pay than you. And all that you're left with, is dissatisfaction and sorrows. And so, I took a step back and think of the big picture. The one true goal that I want to achieve in life. 

(Moral of the story: stop comparing yourself with others and just work on your own shit.)

I always knew that I am something bigger than this. Not that I'm bragging, but somehow I always manage to achieve things that my peers cannot even imagine themselves in. And I'm very proud of myself. So it got me thinking, why don't I focus on one thing. The one thing that can be claimed as mine, and will make me grow bigger and bigger and bigger.

Today, is my last week of working in this good-pay company. I'm leaving to grow a brand that will lead me to many things that I truly want to achieve in my life. It is a brand that I started during the pandemic (see, I told you I'm good). It has big potential but it requires some tweaks to start making money. 

Entrepreneurship is never easy. I am scared as hell but I'm excited too. I have too many things in my mind ready to be laid out and executed. Wish me luck in not getting back into the workforce in the next 5 years. I WILL make this happen! 

That's all for now, cheers!

2020

Whoaaa, it's been a while. A really long one. So, 2020 huh, what a joke. I guess the summary of 2020 is all over Facebook now and you probably don't need me to remind you how bad it is, and what's worse is, we're just half way through :')

I've been staying at home more often than I should be, part of the reason is because I'm doing internship in bf's father's company since mid-mco. So I haven't had lot of chances to hang out with my friends due to the workload and the tiny bit of allowance that I'm living off. Well, the workload is not that much but I just have to keep squeezing out ideas for our Facebook ads, and what to do offline in terms of retailing our products. Truth is, I'm expecting too much from myself. I'm not even that great. And when it comes to talking to people and convincing people to take our products, I literally shrunk! I hate direct selling since day 1 and even though promoting your products is nothing near to direct selling, but MLM sickens me as it creates a bad impression for people when they're just trying to promote a certain product.

On the other hand, scrolling through Instagram watching my friends hanging out almost every day makes me really sad. I tried to channel the emotion into a positive one, by thinking it's just how social media works. They highlight the good and lavish part of people's life, and show you none of the doing house chores, punching time cards or doing excessive workloads for other people's business. And I learn to be grateful and think of how lucky I am to own so many great stuffs and having real self-fulfilling tasks to work on. Of course, it's easier to say than done.

Well, you may ask what kind of 'self-fulfilling' tasks that I working on. There you go:

1. Putting my imported products on hypermarket's rack.

2. Launching my organic vegetables & fruits to hypermarkets.

3. Transforming my bedroom into an office/studio. (I'm half way there)

4. Do pretty product / food flat lay photoshoot in my studio.

Once my organic food company is on track,

5. Getting a decent job with a (pray to god) decent pay.

Wish me luck!

Him

I fell into that trap again. It's just a fact that I can't be cool. I wanted to be a cool girlfriend. A girlfriend who gives maximum freedom to her boyfriend, try not to get jealous at small things and be confident with myself by believing that I'm still a hot pick.

Is it normal to date only once a week? I got different answers from different people. It's just so me, I can never control myself for not living up to people. It may be normal, because some think that a stable relationship doesn't need to see each other that often. But isn't that only applicable to couple that have been together for years? They also think that seeing each other everyday is unnecessary. But deep down, I still enjoy the feeling of meeting my loved one every day. I'm such a super confusing person, you get me? Vice versa, some answers I got are that if you love your partner, you will never get tired of meeting him/her every day. But what if the relationship really lasts? Then you would have a whole life of seeing him/her! And what if not? Should you cherish every chance you have to see him/her?

What terrifies me the most is that I can never stop having the thought of giving up. I do hope it's normal because this is what I had the last time too. Just that this time is slightly different. I'm so not confident with this relationship because I don't get sufficient promises from him. You want to tell me promises are nothing don't you? Guess what, I'm just that easy.

I mean, how could a person accept me after I have confessed about my past? I am so not pretty, fat and always emotionally unstable. I also take pride on compliments too. I request more than usual. I request people to talk lies to me, to compliment me 'beautiful' although I clearly know that I'm not.

I do not want to be materialistic but isn't buying gifts to a girl normal? I have to admit that I love them but I can't just tell him directly like 'hey buy me gifts', right? When we hang out, I treat him meals more than he does to me simply because I appreciate his effort of sending me to places. But is he taking it for granted?

Today, he acted quite weird after we haven't met for a week. I can't help but to think whether is he ashamed of having an ugly girlfriend like me? Though he did try to hold my hand but I could feel the awkwardness between us. Is that a good sign or a bad one? I don't know. In fact, no one does. Also, I feel that he might started to build this relationship on texting rather than talking face to face because he never talks sweet like how he does on-line!

I have no idea what to do. Talk to him? Nah, I have known him enough to predict that he would just do exactly as I ask. Not talk to him? Then I'll constantly be emotional and unhappy like this. Break up with him? I don't want to be this childish. There is reputation involved too. Many of my friends know about him, I don't want to fail again. Honestly, I mostly care about my reputation.

November 2016

-Someone Like You - Adele-

So, November is almost ending. Surprisingly, I am yet to sum up my 2016. If I were to sum it up with only a few words, I would say 

-Heartbreaking

-Newness

-Loved

Couldn't agree more with Adele, sometimes it lasts but sometimes it hurts instead. I do wish nothing but the best for you.

However, no, I will never find someone like you. I thank you for teaching me not to expect things because expectations are what always hurt you the most. You expect to be with him in the future but guess what, it only takes a small click to mess it up.

-How Deep Is Your Love -Bee Gees-

How is it to be loved? Warm, of course. I am not quite sure if I'm really in love with him. It's another him, by the way. God has been treating me so well. He sent me a guardian angel. I had a few sleepless night thinking about how he would react and what he would do if he knew my past. So, I decided to tell him today. In fact, what shocked me the most is that he told me he believes that everyone owns a dark past of themselves. He will only focus on my present and OUR future. 

To be totally honest, I do not buy him. LOL. I really have already stopped expecting things. I still believe that guys will be out of track in some part of their lives. Hey Lin Dan just got busted haha.

-不按牌理出牌 -MP 魔幻力量-

Anyway, that 'newness' really stands for newness, new things. Adjusting to campus life somehow isn't that difficult. After all, I manage to balance myself in between college, assignments, community services, part time job and club activities. 

-Last Christmas -George Michael-

I have done quite many events in the past few months. Proudly, they turned out quite well. Be My Starlight, Be My Starlight Carnival, Fright Night, Lip Sync Battle, 30 Hour Famine and more to come. I cannot tell you how do I adjust myself in between all of these because I totally am the perfect example of the word 'last-minute'. I should be doing my two due-in-two-days assignments right now instead of writing this post.

-Cool -Alesso ft. Roy English-

But I have to share my things. Not because I have to share my new relationship nor to express my recent feelings. But because I had been trying to log into my blog for the past two months because my sister accidentally logged in her gmail and Google kind of chosen hers as primary. Hey, it's not supposed to be personal okay. I'm not pretty I get that. Thanks for reminding but what to do? I've been living with this resting bitch face for nineteen years.

Here's the last song to recommend, Barbaric by Petite Meller! Good night! (Imma get back to assignments)

After broke up

Anyone who knows about what he did before is trying their best to stop me from having hope on my ex. Whoa, who could have thought me having an ex? It feels funny though. Last month was no doubt a very very stressing month. I went through thoughts of dropping out, leaving all behind just to keep him by my side. Now that I think of it, I feel like laughing at myself.

Of course, it's never easy. But like what she advised me, take baby steps. Step by step, I will eventually go out from this. I went from unfollowing him on Facebook to following him back then I realized that I was so unappreciated so I decided to unfollow him again. Even though some part of him still speak for him but anyone who has their brain with them would agree that he is a jackass. Wondering what he did that got him that name? Right after breaking up, despite telling me that he still loves me, he quickly declared his status. He deleted all my photos with him on Instagram and unfollowed me. Then, few hours ago, he was indirectly putting up a 'vacancy' and stated clearly that a man who does not drink and goes home before late night like him still exists.

While I am here, fighting, you are there doing disrespectful things. Jackass would be too nice to describe you.