Entertainers like Ryan Higa, Jinny Boy or Smosh entertain people through Youtube, but I, entertain myself through my brain, I think. My mom always says I like to daydream. Actually, I don't really know what does 'daydream' mean, thinking something without any expression called daydreaming?? Wow then I have to say that those successful entrepreneurs were ones of the daydreamers too.
Things that I've been thinking recently are:
1. Why is my planning skill so suck?!
Last Saturday was my school's chinese society day. The night before it, I asked my mom to fetch me at school after the event. That was supposed to be a great plan and it should work. But right after the event was over, Kim asked me how I go home so I told her I was actually waiting for my mom and I had no idea what should I do right now. So, I asked her to fetch me to somewhere else. I was going to text my mom that time but after I got into her car, I had no idea why I'd totally forgot about it. After about an hour, my sister called me. She told me she was waiting in front of my school gate, by that time, I realized that I forgot to inform my mom about my location. Lastly, of course, I got scolded... I always ask myself this question: 'What was I thinking?'
2. Why am I being so lazy?
You know what, last three weeks were my exam weeks, and honestly, I gave up. I didn't do any revision for all the subjects, I didn't care about what my parents will feel if they saw my results and I didn't care about what people think about me. The whole class knows I'm lazy, one of my friend Handani is going to transfer to Terengganu and she asked me to be the AJK of BM!!! Want to know why? It's because I always don't hand in my BM workbooks.. I felt ashamed for what I had done. I was so lazy!! I speak more than I do, I always say that I want to a pilot but I didn't even do my best on my exams, screw myself!!
3. Why can't I have more outings with my friends?
After the first incident, I'm sure that my mom won't easily allow me to hangout with my friends anymore. She always says that I'm very sampat. She doesn't want me to be like my aunt. That, is another story. I know it's because of myself, because of how I act. I am lazy, sampat and I like to spend. She probably wants me to stay at home, help her out with her house works, do some revision, get a god result, less sampat activities and less using my little poor piggy bank fats.
4. Where does my money go?
I've concluded my monthly expenses account, I found that most of my money mostly spent on miscellaneous category which means I spent more on outings, buying some useless things and buying presents for my friends birthday more to my meals and transports. I just have to say that I'm being too kind to my friends, I wasn't like that, I used to be a person who doesn't trust anyone at all and I have to say that I had more true friends during that time. Now, I'm planning my daily spent according to my diet plan, believe me, it's tough. Giving up all my favorite food is like driving me to hell.
5. What happened to my mom?
Sometimes she treats me like I'm a friend of her, keeps funny talking with me. Sometimes she says I'm wild, sampat and many more. I feel like I can't guess what is she thinking, last time I used to be the one who knows her the most but now, I'm just her daughter, just daughter. She told us that me and my sister are the ones who know her the most in her whole life, now I'm thinking, maybe she should say it's just my sister who knows her the most, not me, I don't deserve it.
6. Why does 2013 treat me so bad?
Honestly, I really really want to be in a relationship, I want to know how it feels like, to be loved and to be cared. Nah, I'm not independent, I need to be cared. I wake up at 11.30am every morning, my mom says I don't know how to take care of myself when I'm sick because I always let myself to die instead of finding medicine in the fridge or seeing the doctor. I don't know how to plan my things, I have no idea how to control myself from spending too much. That's why I need to be cared, I want somebody to love me, I have let my parents down too many times and now I don't dare to ask anything from them again because I don't think I deserve them to treat me so good. I have no boyfriend, money, good appearance, good results, nice outfits and many more. Last year, I was so happy with everything I had, but now, it seems like every good thing is avoiding me. Please, come to me please, I need y'all to light up my life.
7. What happened to me??!!
This, is the biggest problem I'm facing now. Is it because of the stresses? Totally not, I barely touch the books, so how would I have any stress from it? Is it because of the things that I'm craving now? Well, I think so. Because I used to be a happy girl living with the things that I had. Is it because of someone? Actually, I'm not really sure about it. I still don't know who's the one that I want to be with. I still think that I should wait until I'm 18. Is it because I want to show them that I've became a more mature person lately? If it is, I would be the dumbest person on Earth because I shouldn't care about what they say or what they think and just be the Angie that I want to be, the sampat but happy Angie. Does it have anything to do with my friends? Probably, because I dislike them. There's a curse on me, I can't trust anyone, once I did, that person will soon betray me. Am I being too confident with myself? I am, I finally know what's my biggest problem, I'm too confident with myself, I always think that I could handle everything, and I always think that I should be the next Barack Obama. Bullshits. I'm just a normal person. I should wake up, I'm not that good, I'm not a good leader which I always boast that I am. She's good at languages, she's good at planning things while she's creative. I'm nothing like them, I'm just a boaster who doesn't even feel shame!
I realized that everything is just my hallucination. I don't really own it, I just boast about it. I used to tell people that I'm good at some subjects, leading people, doing tasks and so on, but now I know that people were just laughing at me without telling me that I'm actually dreaming.
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